Pain and Suffering
by softbunny
Summary: Paul Baumer experiences the pain of war and loss of love firsthand.


It was so cold and quiet. My stomach rumbled and I felt as if bombs were still going off, even though it was nighttime and I was in my bed, shaking. The bed was merely iron rods with hay and an old, tattered sheet. I was with my other comrades also in this old barn-like structure. Tjaden, Muller, Kropp, and Kat.  
Kat.  
My whole body shivered at the thought of him. His beautiful broad shoulders, piercing blue eyes, soft lips...I pressed a hand to my lips, dryed, cracked, bleeding. I felt wetness dripping down and jumped, whimpering. What I thought was blood dripping down was only tears. I wiped them away quickly. I was supposed to be a man in this war, and men do not cry. This is what I told myself as I wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed quietly.  
So much pain. So much suffering. I was alone. Sure, I had friends, but we had nothing in common, except our age. There was only one person in the camp I liked, and that was Kat. I would do anything for him to be here now with me. Holding me, kissing me...  
Wait. What? I blushed, even though no one could hear my thoughts. Why was I feeling this way? My mom had told me about love before, the nevous stomach, the way you think everything that person does is perfect. That is how I felt about Kat. Maybe...I loved him.  
I did love him.  
But we could never be together, the war was the only thing on his mind. The war, so gruesome, so bloody. Just today a man pushed himself towards me, bottom half of his body looking like bloody hamburger meat. He screached, "Help! Please! Anyone!" This went on, and on, for hours. Not only from him, but many other wounded. It went on for hours on end, cries and pain and loss...  
"Paul. Paul, come on." I hear a soft voice above me. I gasp, opening my eyes. A man looks at me, a man with blue eyes and soft lips...  
"Kat?"  
"Yes, I wanted to check on you. You were crying in your sleep."  
I blush. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I woke you...," I stumbled, feeling more tears rush down.  
"No, no. I was awake already. I can't sleep anyways...all those images are stuck in my head."  
I nod. "Me too. I hate it...I can't sleep either. Not only of that, but of the cold, and the fear. Fear of death."  
He looks down at me, then slowly, slowly, entwines his hand in mine.  
"I'm tired," He mumbes. "When I was little, I would go to bed with my mom when I had nightmares."  
His voice sounded shaky as he asked, " Do you mind if I sleep with you?"  
My whole body shakes. This is too good to be true. A warm body next to mine, but not just anyones, Kats.  
"Yes. Please. I...I mean, that would be nice."  
He smiles at me, then crawls into the bed. I follow.  
His body was so warm. I hadn't felt this comfortable in months. Without thinking, I drag my body closer to Kat's and entwine my limbs with his, my face on his neck. "You're...so warm..." I whisper.  
I feel his face get hot. "You...you are too..."  
We lay there, breathing. I become too aware of our bottom halves pressed against each other. My breathing becomes a little more laboured as I think about him rubbing against me, and pleasuring me. I let out a slight moan.  
"Oh..." Kat murmurs. I am now painfully aware I have a full erection.  
"Please don't leave," I say quickly.  
"I won't."  
A few minites pass by.  
"Were you thinking of a girl you have back home?"  
"No. I don't...like..."  
I stop. "I don't have those feelings toward girls."  
Kat is quiet. Then, "Do you like boys?"  
"Yes. Please, don't hate me." I feel myself tearing up.  
"Paul, look at me." I look at his face. He cups my face in his warm hand and leans in and kisses me. His hands crawl about my body, rubbing his hands against my bare chest.  
"You're beautiful..." He says.  
I gasp, pressing my lips against his again. Our tongues entwine, our breathing hard and wet. We are rubbing our erections against each others, moaning at the friction. Oh, it felt so good, knowing he was as turned on as I was.  
He hooks his hand around my underwear. "Is it...okay...," He breathes. I nod quickly.  
He takes off my underwear, and I help him with his. We lock eyes as he slowly pushes into me, our breathing laboured and we sweat and writhe with pleasure. He hits something, and I see stars.  
"Kat! Right there! Right there!" He pushes in hard against the spot again, and I moan and bury my face in his shoulders to keep from screaming with pleasure. "Harder, harder..." I gasp. Up and down, faster and harder, until I can't control the pleasure any longer.  
"Ah! Oh, oh oh..." Cum drips down my thigh, and down Kat's chest. We both pant, catching our breath.  
We collapse on the bed, and he wraps his arms around me, kissing me lightly on the cheek.  
"Kat...I love you," I say quietly.  
He stokes my hair. "I love you too, Paul. He kisses my head. Go to sleep now, alright? I'm here. I'll protect you. I won't let anyone touch you."  
"Oh..Kat...," But I can't finish my sentence, because I have fallen into the deepest sleep I had ever had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I remember this night, as I hold Kat in my arms just a few weeks later. He is dead. A head wound. My light, my love, he is gone. I have no hope.  
We had many memories after that. Bathing in the creek and kissing each other lightly, lauhging as we splashed water on each other. Cooking deer meat by the fire, huddled next to him. In the battlefeild, him always standing in front of me and protecting me.  
"Oh, Kat. I love you, I love you!" I scream into the sky. "WHY KAT? WHY NOT ME?" I become a sobbing mess as recruits drag the body away. I scream, "That's my boyfriend! Please! PLEASE! DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY!"  
A sargent approaches me and kicks me in the face, sending me flying. My nose is broken.  
"Boyfriend? " The man kicks me in the stomach. I vomit from the blow.  
"Sir...please...," I sob.  
He repeatedly kicks me until I cough up blood. Finally hands help me up. It's Tjaden.  
"He didn't mean it. They were just close friends." I lean on Tjaden, nearly blacking out. "It's just hard for him."  
The sargent grimaces and wipes the blood from his boot with a hankercheif. "Watch your wording next time."  
I sob into Tjaden's shoulder. He knew me and Kat were together, but he didn't mind. He let me cry and rubbed my back.  
"Lets get some sleep, alright?"  
Later that night, bombs were heard. We were sent to go outside. We hid in the trenches. We were told the Germans were attacking.  
A large bomb was flown into the trench. "GAS! BOYS, GAS!"  
Everyone threw on their masks.  
Except me.  
"BOY! HURRY!" They all screamed. I felt the gas going into my lungs, drowning me. Blood drips down my lips and my eyes burn. I cannot see anymore and all i feel is fire inside me.  
I feel someone touch my hand. I look up.  
"KAT!" I scream.  
He smiles. "Come on, come with me."

The soldiers did not know why the boy hadn't put on the mask. Why he stood there and bleed there from the inside out. And most curious of all, why he died with a smile, and the name "Kat" on his lips.


End file.
